then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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