i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
