I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
