Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize