Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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