so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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