It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
