There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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