What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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