My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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