Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
no you cant smoke seaweed
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
