i already hear my dad disowning me
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
