whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Randomize
