summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
