bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
They took my balls.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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