Do you still have your period?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
