Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
