I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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