4 words: hood of his car
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He better not be in your backpack
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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