She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
