Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
