Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
