I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
