what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
