My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I just found a bag of teeth...
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
My vagina is officially offended.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
