I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
