my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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