i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
