if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
