I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
