Quick, to the slutcave!
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
