You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
