so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
