so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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