Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
