we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
