I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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