The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize