So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
