I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
