maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
