yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
It's just like the Real World with babies
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
