I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
