yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize