So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
