He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I don't deserve a penis
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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