Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
