I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
