My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
