Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
