you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
