I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
