I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
