Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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