my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Four minutes until I can fart!
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
