going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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