am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize