I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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