the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize