I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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