I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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