Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
me + whiskey = a bad person
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
