Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
