Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
