I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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