I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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