Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
