I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
